Texts: John 15:9-17 and I John 5:1-6

Sixth Sunday of Easter - May 27, 2000

Joe was the right fielder-always
Art could play any position-pitch-catch-superior infielder
Joe played right field-always-where the ball was seldom hit
And Joe batted last-he never hit the ball-he would rarely swing the bat
Art could hit-really hit
--One other thing about Art was that he always picked Joe first when they chose teams
Why?
Art always picked Joe first when they chose teams because Art was Joe's friend
--Friends accept our faults and limitations-accept that we may not be the best
friendship is a special caring-in Greek it is also a special word-philios
--friendship-"brotherly love" is the classic definition

Jesus said, "You did not choose me but I chose you" (John 15:16)
We are Christ's friends-chosen by him
--chosen not just to play a part in some game but chosen to be his friend

She was in love-or so she thought-but she had those doubts-she questioned
How do you know? A feeling-the sound of his voice-a certain look?
Her mother told her she would just know
All she knew was that she thought of him-a lot
She wanted to be around him-a lot
She talked about him to everyone she knew-a lot
Endless telephone conversations-hours and hours of talking
-sometimes all they did was listen to each other breathe

Perfect love seems at times to be defined
by just knowing that the one you think you love is on the other end of the telephone line
Endless time spent attempting to interpret every word spoken-every gesture made

Young love is one of the most boring things you can imagine
unless you are the one in love

In premarital counseling programs we learn about various types of love
There is for example--

Romantic love-described by phrases like-seeing no flaws-ideal
-unreal-a perfect love for two people perfectly suited to each other
--a superficial love that knows no suffering
--there are no dull conversations in front of the television
--every word spoken is exactly right-every gesture the perfect gesture
--no difficulties knowing what the other is thinking-it is perfect
or there is
Infatuated love-all emotion-it feels so good-filled with impulsive moments
--acting on the feeling-nothing matters but the moment
-no memory and no future-just the moment
A momentary high that all changes when things get a little boring-routine-dull
-the reality of this type of love is that there will be changes
--as the feelings change so does the relationship
-there will be changes next week-if not tomorrow

Romantic love-Infatuated love-and then there is the love of which Christ spoke

Love-ever growing-new yet old-enduring and comfortable
Secure yet unknown-a true friend-accepting-self risking-self giving

Jesus said, No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends.

From our post-Easter vantage point we have no doubt of the meaning of these words
That the one who chose us to be his friend also chose to give his life for us
But we struggle to understand what that means for us and to us

This is Memorial Day weekend-a time when we remember self giving love that transcends time
Friendship and love are often taken for granted
If they are true and real they are given without conditions
Which means we are not being constantly reminded of them
No one is repeating the words-if you love me you will
Or a real friend would

It is so easy to take real love for granted-to forget to say how much it means
--to thank a parent or a friend for just being there
--to acknowledge that an act of kindness was done with no ulterior motive
Memorial Day was conceived as a simple act of acknowledgment
that there are some truths that transcend time and place
--It is not to glorify war or violence but the truth that no greater love can be found
then the willingness to give one's life for the future
-a future that you might not even share
--but a future that will be different-maybe better-because you were there
To give one's life for another-another who may even be as yet unborn

Jesus invites us to consider that love and friendship are given unconditionally
-with no strings attached
--but we like strings-it begins very early

"If you give me a cookie I'll be your friend"
"Let me ride your bike and we can be best friends"
We smile at children's attempts to define relationships and love
Yet too often we measure others by the same standard
--by what they do for us
--by whether they do it our way-which is, of course, the right way
We would like to control our relationships-define love on our terms
-but it doesn't really work very well

A child sits at the table
--a scene we once lived ourselves now recreates itself
--the parent's voice (maybe our voice) is firm and clear
"You will eat what is on your plate and you will like it!
You're not leaving this table until every bite is eaten."
(Our boys called it "table-traz"-a prison that rivaled Alcatraz)
We tell ourselves it is for the child's own good
They must learn to eat-broccoli-liver-spinach-a glass of milk-and like it!

Even as we speak the words our parents taught us we cringe
We know that no one has ever learned to like something just because they were told to do so
--they probably will not like it-even if we say they should

Jesus said, This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.
There is a problem with a command to love-it just never seems to work
In our modern world we call them "peace keepers"
--troops sent in to places to encourage at least a little toleration if not love
--but it never seems to work the way we hoped
In Kosovo there is no love lost for Serbs
In Africa the divisions continue between Ethiopia and Eitria
And the security fences are newly erected between Lebanon and Israel

But we really don't have to look so far a field
--we have created our own limitations to our friends and who we have to love
by carefully selecting the places where we live and shop
--love at a distance always seems to be a bit easier

When I was first called to the ministry I was approached by two congregations at the same time
--both were in Chicago-one on the near north side of the city-one on the south side
I asked a professor friend for help with my decision
--he advised me to go where the people could teach me the most
about loving God and others
--it was good advice

As the years have passed I have also been interested in places
where people were willing to learn about God's love
and discover ways of making that love real

In working with our synodical mission committee
I have come to recognize that there are various types of churches or congregations
each expressing God's love in different ways

I have discovered that the types of love I once learned about in marriage counseling
Have curious analogies to many Christians and churches
There are romantic churches-peopled by romantic Christians-unrealistic in their religion
-people with a faith that allows for no suffering
-unwilling to believe that there should be any troubles in a real Christian's life
-a faith that seeks simple answers-that sees Jesus in only ideal forms
--churches in search of perfect Christians
-which of course means that most visitors simply don't measure up

There are infatuated churches-faith communities that want to feel good
-happy places that exist to feel good
--Christians who want to have feel good experiences
and don't want to be reminded that there are people in need or bills to pay
-there is no risking-but lots of good feelings
--infatuated Christians are excited by the faith
-just not too excited about the work of the faith
Jesus said "love as I have loved you"
--Jesus gave his life for us-a self-giving love caring for others

A loving church is a relational church
--that is what Jesus set us free to be-in a relationship of love-a subject with an object
--no one says simply "I love"
When we are asked "Do you love me?"
The response is never just "I love"-that is more a question than an answer

Love is relational
Love has expectations-expectations that come from being in relationship
If you truly care you do the little things
-the sometimes boring things-the often routine things
-because they are the stuff of relationship
-and curiously when they are done in love they aren't so boring or routine
-they become, in fact, the things that may mean the most

If you reflect back on the care of a child or the care of a much loved parent or friend
--if you describe to another the tedious and ordinary tasks that you did
-cooking-cleaning-washing-wiping
-there is nothing grand here-but there is love
--self-giving sacrificial love
--no greater love than this
that is what Jesus commanded
--that we open ourselves to the possibility of such love in our lives following his example

One marriage counselor I know has a technique he uses with couples
-He asks them separately to name something wrong about or with the other
-If it takes more than 5 seconds to think of something (or at least make their selection)
he says he knows they have a strong marriage.
Every counselor knows that when relationships begin to fail
People begin to find excuses for their feelings of unhappiness-discontent-lost love
They begin to make their lists
And then the picking begins
--His snoring never bothered her until the relationship began to fail
--She never noticed how the report was created until she felt threatened by the changes
--they accepted the whole concept as good
until one day they were no longer part of the group
-then they remembered the little things-procedures-details
-and they became angry and began to criticize

It is not so much that we forget to love one another
-but that we fail to love one another as Christ has loved us
--unconditional love-grace filled-no strings attached

In love we accept the little things that trouble relationships
--that does not mean that we always approve of them
--it doesn't mean that we might not try to change them
--but it does mean that we deal with each other as chosen people
--chosen by Christ-chosen through baptism-chosen by God's grace

She came right up to him
"Do you love me?" she demanded
"We only just met", he replied
"But I thought you were a Christian," she insisted
"Oh, you mean that kind of love," he said

Christian love-Not romantic-not infatuated
Real fruit bearing love-chosen by God love